Apple Butter or Apple Blah

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I was left to my own devices when it came to making and canning my apple butter. Bear in mind that I had only one previous experience with canning (and despite my blog title claiming "I Was Martha", I was really was no such thing - rather, I was a hapless observer). So, it was with some trepidation that I collected my supplies and prepared my work area. I had no laundry on the line and no chickens in the backyard, but I felt quite domestic nonetheless.

I carefully sterilized my jars and all of my canning equipment. I read and re-read the recipe eighty-three times. Then, I started peeling and slicing apples. I continued peeling and slicing apples for a very loooong time. Which reminds me - how big is a slice? When a recipe calls for apples to be peeled, cored, and sliced, it would be helpful to know how large those slices ought to be. Regardless, I eventually had all the apples ready with the rest of my ingredients on stand-by. It was time to begin the cooking part. The easy part. Right.

I successfully brought my apple cider to a gentle boil, added my rather large apple slices, and simmered that concoction until the apples were soft enough to mash easily. It took about fifteen minutes. The recipe suggested thirty. I moved on.

Next, I stirred in my sugar and cinnamon until well blended. All that was left was to cook the mixture, stirring often, until it had thickened and reduced considerably. The recipe suggested this step might take one hour. It took three. And my mixture still looked a bit more like cider than sauce or butter. But seriously, how much time can one really allow for reducing? I had other things to do.

So I ladled my soupy mixture into the waiting jars, applied the lids, and processed the whole lot. Then I gave some jars away to await the verdict: Apple Butter or Apple Blah?

Recipe Precision

This weekend, my sister-in-law Tracy, brought a delicious squash dish to our Thanksgiving dinner. Of course, I wanted to know how to make it. After all, using seasonal ingredients is very Martha. When Tracy described the recipe as a "no brainer", I thought, "Well, this is perfect for me." She then proceeded to give me instructions that became increasingly detailed and specific and incredibly vague at the same time. A strange feat - but here is a sample of how the conversation went (with my thoughts in italics):

Tracy: "Just add a "clunk" of butter. A clunk? What the %^$$ is a clunk? Then pack the crap out if with dark brown sugar. Cook it at 350 for about 45 min. to an hour.

Me: What kind of squash did you use? Butternut?

Tracy: Yeah, butternut. You know, the green ones. Umm, green butternut?

Me: You mean acorn?

Tracy: Whatever. The green dudes. Ah, the green dudes. Of course.

Me: So, not butternut?

Tracy: I guess not. Anyway, you have to make sure it's face-up in the baking pan wrapped in foil separately. Like a closed envelope. But sometimes there's a little pointy thing on the bottom, so you have to cut that off first. If you don't cut off the nubbins it will teeter. So dispose of those nipples. After you're done cooking it, open the top of the dude and spoon out the insides. You don't want any green stuff - it's gross. Then, take the brown sugary sauce and dump it all over the top. You'll probably burn yourself. I always do. Great. Can't wait for that part. Did you just say nubbins?

With instructions like that, how can I go wrong? As long as buy the right "dudes" and remember to cut off the "nubbins", measure my "clunk" of butter carefully, and then "pack the crap out it with brown sugar", I should be in good shape.

Heck, I might even pull this one off without burning myself. That's how good I'm getting!