Dear Martha

Dear Martha,

Have you ever put together one of your shelving units? Inspired, as always, by the lovely picture both in the catalogue and on the side of the box, I bought a nine-cube Martha Stewart shelving unit. I pulled the pieces out of the box and got to work on the simple, easy-to-follow, step-by-step instructions. Some parts went well...

Nearing the end of assembly, I saw that I still had sixty teeny, tiny nails to hammer in. Sixty! Wow, this shelf was not going to fall apart on me. At least those really flimsy cardboard backing plates weren't going to fall off. Granted, the nails were small - clearly designed for delicate work. Like hammering teeny, tiny nails through cardboard into extremely thin, fake wood partitions. Hammers are not really delicate. Twice, Martha, I hammered right through the edge of the fake wood partition and watched as my teeny, tiny nail caused the material around it to crumble, flake off, or otherwise disintegrate. This, into the rather visible front-facing cube. I know this wouldn't happen to you. And I doubt you would be sweating profusely after nail thirty-seven either. Why so many nails, Martha?

Eventually, I completed the shelf. Well, almost completed. Those lovely little screw covers don't seem to actually fit. I tried simply pressing them on, as the instructions urged me to do. No luck. With stomach-clenching trepidation I actually attempted to hammer one on, fully aware of the consequences should my hammer strike an errant blow. Still, no luck. Perhaps I'm just not strong enough to secure those decorative baubles so I will wait for my husband to affix them (although, once again, I don't think you intended for them to be so tricky).

My final question is this: why do you use over-sized props in your picture? It might cause an unsuspecting consumer to believe their new nine-cube Martha Stewart shelving unit will actually hold games or other larger items that are clearly too big for the rather smallish real-life version of said shelving unit.

Sincerely,
A merely curious fan.

Valentines Martha Style (ish)

With Martha's magazine in hand, I set out to make some beautiful, home-made Valentines with my adorable, craft-loving children. We cleared the table, covered it with paper, set out our numerous and varied supplies, and prepared to make magic.

Me: Isn't this fun?
Hannah: It sure is.
Jacob: I don't like this.

After making two, maybe three Valentines using all the resources available to us, Hannah grew weary. Even the glue had lost its allure. In the end, we took pre-made Dollarama cards and added a sticker. On some, we glued a gem. I wrote all the names. Hannah slumped beside me. Jacob ran around like a maniac after possibly eating some of the glue.

And we still have enough supplies for next year...